Posted by: SM | March 4, 2012


Sometimes I forget that I can’t walk. It was worse when I was a kid, which is funny really because back then I could walk a bit!

There was all the epiphany’s I had during therapy, where I realised I was an amazing person in my own right, I had to keep hold of the friends I had because they were the ones around for life,  and once I cracked this sexuality thing and looked in the right direction I’d be unstoppable. Most of my therapy was me realising all this stuff while the woman was doing the talking, me nodding and wondering what I was going to get after the session from the weekly ‘reward’ trip to the chippy.

There was also big moments where she thought she was onto a winner with me, breakthrough wise, and actually I’d be smiling because for the past ten minutes I’d been imagining her singing ‘Telephone’ by Gaga.

The weeks I didn’t go the chippy and went instead to the big Tesco to sit in the cafe, ponder the meaning of life in a muffin and perv on Tesco Chef. Tesco Chef seemed to leave as soon as I ditched therapy though coz I haven’t seen him there in years.

In the second house I lived in with my mum and dad we had this massive garden, it was on a hill sort of thing with a washing line between two trees. I figured it would be a good idea to hook my walking stick round the washing line, jump up, grab hold and zip wire down the hill to the bottom. Fearless. I remember the shocked look on my face when I crumbled in a heap at the bottom tree, and my Mum’s puzzled face wondering why I was puzzled.

Sometimes I forget that I can’t walk. It was worse when I was a kid, which is funny really because then I could walk a bit.*

I like the fact that everyone I go out on the piss with KNOWS that I will inevitably try and stand up.

I like the fact there are one or two members of my immediate family who are beautifully mad enough to talk to me on a near daily basis. These people are the future and if they haven’t been driven crazy by the last name on their birth certificate by now then the force is strong within them.

When I was younger, I never wanted to kick the football professionally like the rest of the kids. I had about the same chance of achieving that as they did too, none. I did strop once in Primary school because my head teacher wouldn’t let me try out for the school cricket team (don’t know why, see above….again).

I tried out, bowled one spell, got my form teacher out plumb LBW and celebrated like a maddun. That was for every time he made me feel stupid coz I didn’t get his explanations of maths stuff, to be fair I didn’t get a lot of people’s explanations of maths stuff, ask my Dad, he paid for a lot of tutors to try).

I remember how happy I felt when I was in Spain last year with my best friend. I remember how we saw what we wanted and went after it, for the whole two weeks and I remember the times we didn’t go after anything and we just lay in the sun instead.

Before my best friend moved in to the house with me I had been on my own in every single corner of the place. When she moved in the whole place became somewhere new to me.

I have a best friend who makes ham and dorito butties that are out of this world, and believe me I’ve tried to make them myself but this girl must have a PHD in them or something because, I’m telling you they are amazing.

I went round to one friend’s house to make cupcakes with her, a fairly sensible thing to do, but remember people that my friends are amazing and this one person once licked the glass of a display case at an art gallery in Manchester by accident. When we were making the cakes she thought it was hilarious to tweet and link me in them so that my phone went off every 5 minutes. We didn’t bake much that day.

I know that when I wear my where’s wally pjs I feel like the cutest thing on the planet.

I know that at the right time on the right day in the right outfit I feel unbeatable.

I know when I want  fuck the world days there’s a select list of people who are allowed to join me. There’s only one person who can pull the duvet off me and demand I get up so we can watch shite television that is actually ridiculously entertaining. There’s only one person for whom I would plan the world’s smallest treasure hunt for chocolate AND there’s one person who can laugh uncontrollably because I’m giggling in the next room.

I know that whatever shit is going on for me or the people I care about, I only need to find one reason to smile, and usually I’m able to pass that on to them and then who knows what will happen from there.

When me and my closest friends put the world to rights there is no better feeling and we’ d probably do a good job running the world at that point.

Bugger. I got a bit carried away and I’ve totally left half me brew to go cold. That’ll teach me for remembering stuff.

I’m remembering all this stuff because everything we have is currently being put into boxes. We are soon to be starting the next part of our adventure, and some of it is all set up but most of it is going to be a big question mark for a while and that’s brilliant. What’s it going to be like? How many times will we throw up on the decking?

All the pictures in the boxes are from times like the ones I have just mentioned, and every slight hole in the wall or mark on the carpet carries a story.

While everyone on the outside of the circle is wondering why? Is it coz of this? I’m just really looking forward to doing it, moving on and seeing what crazy shit happens next. I wonder how many stories we will have about getting home to the new place after one too many and a bit of dancing, and attempted standing.

We will know all these new moments when they happen.

For now though, I’m going. I’ve named the two phones in our house Brennan and Booth from the TV show Bones and I’ll probably come up with names for the pins in my foot too. There are three though, so it may be tricky.

Rest assured that whatever is to come, every single one of this merry band of beatifull, Anastasia loving, no regret having, amazing people will be there making all new chapters with me. The new neighbours won’t know what has hit them.

Friendship and memories rock, and if we are very very lucky some will stay forever.

Peace, Love and cardboard boxes for ease of transport. Moultyx


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