Posted by: SM | December 19, 2011

V – The Parent Trap

Have you seen Bridget Jones’ Diary? If so then you will be aware of being stung by jellyfish. I’m aware that I am setting myself up for a load of jellyfish when the time comes to tell my Mum and Dad the news about the op date. Since that time I took Claire to the last pre-op instead of one of them they have felt a bit left out. No action I have ever taken in relation to this has been to hurt them, it’s been about getting through to the finishing point. My parents make everything extremely personal and it makes for a bit of extra pressure on me if I am honest.

I think they feel they should be more involved than any other parent of a thirty year old, because of my disability. They have pretty much admitted this to me. It’s not the worst thing in the world for a man in my situation not to tell his parents everything.

By the time I tell them about the operation date, I will have worked out what is going to happen, I will have worked out what I want and we will know that the operation is going ahead. By the time they know, I will be ready for the extra issues they may present. I don’t mean that in a negative way, merely that they bring their own wine to the party and I need to have drunk all mine so I can take theirs onboard.

It has never been about excluding them, you don’t go up for a second helping at Pizza Hut buffet, until you have room.

I’m entirely sure that this is the right course of action, I cannot be so sure of their reaction however. There is also the other issue… keeping a few in the know has an unfortunate side effect of heaping rather a lot on the shoulders of a few. Perhaps telling more people increases the support available to you.

The essential people know. Two more essential people will know in the next few days. At that point, it will be common knowledge I expect.

A measure of control over events, if you please, before control belongs in the hands of others.

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