Posted by: SM | October 27, 2009

Guys Dont Make Passes At Guys With Shit…Nails!

We know that the days of me thinking that I’m on the wrong planet are over, and I not only like that fact, I’m thinking of seducing that fact to the bedroom and having sex with it over and over and over again. I’m on board with the way my head works – well, half the head, if you account for the bit that is brain-damaged.

Speaking of brain damage, I was most dismayed  this week to find something in my own house that is difficult for me to do.

Now, I’ve been around about 27 years and I’ve been stubborn for just as long and the upshot of that is never ever knowing that I was beaten. I’d go round to friends houses when I was younger and I’d wonder why they had handles around their houses to help them walk, and I didn’t. I rode around in the stupidest looking bike thing when I was really young at school and wondered why I wasn’t allowed to take it home to use when my teacher said I could. The reason is my parents, they didn’t want me turning into someone that could only do something in the right circumstances. As a result, my house was normal. I used to hate the social people coming round telling me and my parents how this change here and that adaption there would make it all ok. Despite my own council, yes Bury Council, telling my parents I’d never cope in a mainstream normal school… I did. That same council told my mum I’d never graduate. She told the counsellor that she could expect an invite in the year 2003. Surprisingly enough, a representitive of Bury Council did not make an appearance at the Graduation Party that I had.

People doubted that I could cope at University, but by that point luckily no-one close to me did. In fact my parents moved to a bigger house to build me a downstairs bedroom and an accessible bathroom when I began to struggle with stairs… I was there for one year  before University called!

Impossible is nothing. There’s ways around everything. If you can’t reach the cupboards, put cupboardy stuff in the kitchen draws that you can reach… if no one is giving you a job writing about football or music or on the radio, then damn it DO IT YERSELF!…

So if I want to put glittery nail polish on my toes? Then fuck me, I’ll find a a way! None of that boys don’t do girly nails bollocks… this boy does! I did fall out of my wheelchair doing it though, so I’ve tried thinking of my fellow wheeled warriors (the girl ones) to ask their tips on how they do it,  but the fact is, most people in wheelchairs bore me and they drool… so I don’t know that many.

Anyone have any better ideas on how I’d apply polish? There is an adorable glitter monkey right here that would like to know!

Now that you have finished reading this, pop on over to Maxi and tell her I sent you… CLICK HERE



  1. i just love your blogs, you are an amazing writer simon and i admire u so much, big hug xxx

  2. God I miss you – you make me laugh so much!!!

  3. employ me to paint your nails for you 😀 or you could get a super long brush, or have a nail technician call to your house once a week or something?

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