Posted by: SM | May 5, 2008

You Can’t Take The Sky From Me

I’m very pissed off. It’s been a bad couple of days and it’s all combined to put me in a crappy mood but this is where I come to exorcise things to a great extent so I imagine I will feel better come the last line.

First off a girl I thought I cared about kept something from me. This is someone I had actually wanted to be with, someone who had allowed me to take my time to figure out that she was actually worth me trying the whole relationship thing again. Eventually she tells me it wont work because she doesn’t know what she wants, that really sucks but not as much as being told that the reason it is so on-off was because she couldn’t handle me being in a wheelchair. Apparently, she didn’t like people staring at me when we were out and she couldn’t handle the way those people might eventually look at her as well.

Now, I’ve had my heart broken by the first woman I really loved and it took me a good few years to get over it so this relevation as hard as it was to hear, didn’t have much effect. Fast forward many many flirty text messages and occasions when I really put myself out there so that if she did ever figure out what she wanted, I would know. She wanted to be friends, even though I pointed out that we weren’t really that before I was cheeky enough to make a move on her, she still wanted us to be there for each other as friends.

So we flirt, it’s a hopeless chase and I decide to leave the city. Then we’re on MSN one time and it just comes into my head that she is a bit laconic, all ‘yes, no, ok’. I ask if she has a boyfriend now because that will certainly change a person’s reaction to someone. She doesn’t answer so I take that to mean that she does and that this person had now actually made her mind up, it just didn’t include me.

In the irony of ironies, she didn’t tell me because she didn’t want to hurt me. I’ve had just about enough of girls who ‘don’t want to hurt me’ because it seems that those are the ones that bloody well hurt you. It isn’t that she found someone else, it’s the fact that she let me chase her and told me that being friends was very important to her and all that. In the end, by not telling me she had someone, she hurt me. For someone who is apparently anxious to remain friends with me, it’s amazing how quiet she has been since I called her on the boyfriend she had.

Just in case she reads this, No-one told me about your boyfriend. I didn’t know, even though you wondered who had given you away in that respect. No one gave you away but you.

Now I can leave Liverpool knowing that the only real regret I had, wasn’t worth the thought I gave it. I guess I should thank you for being honest enough to finish with me because I’m in a wheelchair and I’m sorry I never had a second chance.

It took me an absolute age to open myself up to any girl, but you made me realise I could feel that way about someone else and that not all girls were out to hurt me. I thank you for that. Now though, you’ve just made it harder for the next person to get anywhere near me, and for that I do not thank you at all.

Apologies

Moulty x

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Responses

  1. Hang in there hun, it’s a cliche I know, but things will get better. She doesn’t know what she’s missing.xx


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