Posted by: SM | February 18, 2008

Chasing Rainbows

Hi all

I think I have fallen out of  love with Liverpool. I think I have reached the end of the line and that when a chance comes up to move closer to family I will take it. It is all very well my friends and people I am close to here saying that I shouldn’t, but the ones I was closest to all upped and went elsewhere because it was what was best for them. That’s what I should do. I think it’s right at this time to be thinking about a move and I am not as scared about what that means for me, as I was before.

 Before I saw it as a massive step back and a slap in the face of the independant existence I had here in Liverpool. I don’t think it really has to be that negative anymore, I see it as a win win situation. I would be closer to people I care about more than anything in this world, those people would be closer to me and life would still be as ace as the best bits I have had while I have been here.

Recently I have been thinking that there is really nothing keeping me here. The friends I feel a connection to will still have that connection with me, I will be earning more money because let’s face it I couldn’t earn less – I could get the same kind of living conditions and a bit more money in the pocket, people who have known me my whole life and new places to drink and get thrown out of.

It really was Emma that did it for me, the whole Derby thing where we went to Alfreton and everyone knew her and everyone knew me even though I had never set wheel in the place – it hit me that it was just like that in Bury. I don’t like that all the time, I don’t like the fact that just because people have known you your whole life people think they can comment on you or your choices – I don’t always like the fact that the same people sit in the same chairs and ask the same questions every week, but I’m tired of trying to find that sense of belonging somewhere else when I already had it. It’s time to take it back.

Make no mistake, I am not ready for the pipe and slippers yet and you cannot consign me to a pub chair week after week, telling stories that people have heard a million times before. I just feel the need to go back, before the next chapter starts, a chapter which I expect to involve living abroad.

 I don’t want to feel as alone as I do right now, I am sick to the back teeth of it. I’ve taken one too many hits to the stomach and as ironic as this may be in the city’s Capital of Culture year…Liverpool has lost whatever magic it once had.

My radio show continues to go from strength to strength. Details at www.justin.tv/moultytrack  and my football sites and music sites continue to improve but the life part of me needs a bit of a kick, well, if I’m honest, a bit of a rest and then a bit of a kick.

I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow, purely coincidental and nothing about leaving has been decided yet but I wonder now what I will say.

 Peace, Love and Soul

Si

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