Posted by: SM | December 16, 2007

Words Are All I Have

March 20th 2007

Good evening fans and thanks for logging on, those in the cheap seats please clap your hands and everyone else, feel free to rattle your jewellery.

Stupid things come into your head at daft times doing the job I do but, and hopefully I am not alone here in thinking this, but I think true genius hits you when you are in the crapper, the toilet, the john, whatever you call it yourself you get the picture. It’s a fact universally acknowledged I think, that such freedom of thought and creative thinking is the result of having nothing else to do while you are in there. In the workplace it’s usually the best place to go, but those who work with me will testafy there is a bit of a guest list you have to be on to get in there and quite frankly I’m not even always on it. The disabled toilet, MY disabled toilet, is bigger and better than the ones that the abled lot have to use, you can’t have a crap in peace in theirs but you can in mine. Evidentially you can also invite someone in there for a bit of extra-curricular entertainment (allegedly, apparently) but the fact that the Disabled toilet at my work is a bit of a ‘Blue Oyster’ for some people is not the reason I like it. It’s because mega thoughts arrive in your head.

Today I was thinking, there are some really really good words which are or should be used by people in this world. If you have a life, you reading this right now will know that only certain people in your life will say certain things. My brother, Daniel, for example is ‘My Daniel’ many times, I don’t know why but it is very much a term of brotherly affection, ‘our Daniel’ if I feel like sharing him…

Some other words which sound very punchy when directed at others, good for arguments or reported gossip are “Cantankerous”, “bint”, “knob-jockey”, “half wit” and so on. Many of these are rare breeds of idiots, the types of which I am sure have been discovered first in my very workplace. 

There is a certain satisfaction that comes with a great delivery of a sentence like this, but even greater satisfaction when it is delivered without swarewords. I won’t even get into those because I’ve a picture of me brother in me wallett and this is a family site. 

“She is one thinlipped cantankerous old cow, that one!” is a great line…cantankerous is a great word. It flows. “Cloth-eared bint” is another one, immortalised in Fawlty Towers of course.

As a good Christian boy I shouldn’t be having those thoughts about anyone, I guess, but we all do and we’re all human and sometimes it makes us feel better directing it.

Language, man. It never fails to amaze me the power you have with words either written or spoken. We all have the power, use it wisely…

Go in pieces

Simon

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