Posted by: SM | December 16, 2007

Language Is An Annoying Necessity

October 12th 2007

This week a lot of stuff has been going through my head, with the events that have unfolded.

I’ve been battling with this feeling that I didn’t do enough as a brother and that I haven’t been around as much as I could have been as a son.

I’ve not known what to do with myself and I have not known how to talk to people that really needed to hear from me. Frankly I didn’t know how to start talking about it; whether to let him know how utterly disappointed I was, how he made the king of stupid moves and how I couldn’t even bring myself to speak to him?

As it turned out I didn’t, I said nothing to him because at the end of the day Daniel needed to know I was still there for him above all other things, so I had to wait until I could swallow the more negative aspects of my reaction, so I could be there for him.

You don’t know whether to cuddle him or give him both barrels.

He’ll have enough people looking funny at him, not being the same around him, he doesn’t need that from me.

I was absolutely devastated when I heard what had happened and I still am, there is a workplace in Liverpool that can verify the devastated version of events. After the bad brother, bad son, did I miss this, cycle comes the words.

It turns out that at crappy times words aren’t easy to come by but the lack of them speaks volumes. I’m told he knows why I couldn’t speak to him at first, and it is a conversation we will have sometime I am sure but he should also never ever forget that he is my brother and I will always be there for him, whatever has gone on.

The physicality of family is something that you want to break away from, but mentally in times of crisis it can be a source of strength to you if you are lucky enough to have it.

Daniel may have to own the actual mess that he has made but the rest of us catch the aftershock as well and we all have to deal with it, and we will together, because that’s what families do.

All my love to everyone that counts

Cryptically yours

Simon

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