Posted by: SM | December 16, 2007

Heaven and Hell

October 7 2007 

Okay so its 2:13 am on Sunday morning and I should have gone to bed ages ago but I haven’t because for some reason I have not felt tired. The entire episode of the last few days has been going through my head – I may not go into detail about all of it because that’s not necessary, but this is the first time in a while I have actually felt that I needed to write stuff down like this so let’s keep going and see what comes out. The lights are off and there has been enough Jack drunk, not to be drunk but to be nicely breezed.

“It’s Been A Long Time Comin’ My Friend”

First off there is a girl involved, isn’t there always? Well, not if you are me. There hasn’t been for ages because the right one hasn’t been looking my way. Until now. It’s some time ago right and I’m in this crappy bar that everyone goes into from our work, no-one really likes it but it’s alright. There she is sitting there talking to other people and before I know it, my mate’s at the bar and I’m sitting next to her. I’d like to think I said stuff to her but I’m not sure, anyhow before long I’m pinching half her chips and I’m sitting there thinking that if I was her, and she was me I’d be getting slapped right about now for being a cheeky git and stealing her food. But I smiled a smile and it seemed to be okay. I also remember a un specified amount of Jack Daniels gave me some confidence and that when she asked for my email, I shook my head and from somewhere deep inside me said “oh no, you can have me number instead!” I may have even offered to write it on her hand, though I’m not sure about that.

Weeks and weeks of text messages and the ‘we’ll meet soon’ never happened. I got all blokey and wanted a yes or no finite answer, I don’t know if this was anything to do with what had happened before in my experience with other people but the endless ‘I like you’ without the next move really drove me crazy and I begged her to either go for it or shoot the dead dog in the head and put it out of it’s misery.

She did, she said we probably weren’t going to meet up and that sucked big style but at least I had an answer one way or another. It looked as if we weren’t going to take the ride.

Then the most wonderful thing happened, right out of the blue. The girl in question got back in touch and started talking to me like nothing had happened, and soon enough the disappointment that I had felt when she had made the descision not to, she said she missed talking to me and realised that when I was gone, she did actually miss me and that we were missing a chance to see where the rollercoaster took us. I added the rollercoaster bit here and now, she just said that she made a mistake, but me with the words had to embellish a bit. But it’s my site so I can, there are plenty of dull and uninspiring websites out there if you don’t want to read this.

For some reason I had this nagging feeling that ‘something’ was still never going to happen. So I kept the girl in question at arms length, and God knows why but she kept coming back and we kept talking loads and loads, then I’d get text messages from her because we had talked all the time away.

Two really good things happened – I found out she liked Robert Johnson (which is enough to get weird looks from even my bestest of best friends when I mention him), I thought ‘but no-one I know likes him, I thought I was the only weird one’. Then she mentioned Bruce Springsteen and I had those nice feelings, the opposite of the bad shakes you get when someone ‘walks over your grave’ or whatever the saying is. The good version of that, I don’t know what it is – someone flying over you maybe – but I had that.

Even then the date was moved twice more…but eventually we got there!

“…Willed A World And It Appeared”
 

So it didn’t matter that some of my little world was showing signs of strain, it really doesn’t matter that somewhere the shit was hitting the fan. All that mattered at that time was that she was there and I’d forgotten how pretty she really was, and she even wore the hat.

I’m not even getting bogged down in directions, questions and other things that may trip us up before we even get running.

I would have been quite happy sitting opposite her all night just listening to her, now I havemt done this whole thing in a while but I think that’s a good sign.

And the facts are facts, the roast beef was supposed to come with Horse Radish separate and it didn’t so of course we got some, even though the guy thought the brown stuff in the pot was the missing sauce (despite normal people calling it gravy).

From somewhere we got given a floaty thing and I took a picture of my glass of JD because I was impressed by the cosmic brilliance of the shimmer the candle gave through the glass from behind. Now it ain’t gonna win no art prize, or maybe it will because I’ve seen some of the previous winners, but I was impressed.

That isn’t the only thing that impressed me and I could sit here and write part two right now just full of reasons why this girl is very very special but I wont because I don’t know them all yet and it’s going to be a lot of fun finding them out.

“I’m tired of waiting for tomorrow to come, or the train to come rollin round the bend.

I got a new suit of clothes, a pretty red rose and a woman I can call my friend!”

For ages I have felt like I couldn’t tell anyone about this, partly because we both decided not to but also because at the time some of this was happening, they were darker days back at the Bury homestead. I quite honestly felt very selfish and not very family of me to admit that while it was pretty shitty back there, I was having a ball.

The shitty stuff from back home is going to be in my head for a while, but for anyone reading this who knows the shit of which I am speaking, we will all make sure we all get through it and we will all be there all the way through.

I’m almost sorry that this great news happened at such a lousy time for everything else but I have been told by someone that I apologise way too much so I’m not going to say sorry for it anymore.

I’m just going to say to both the good part and the crappy part, bring on whatever you have in store because it might just be the drink talking by now but I know at least one part is strong enough to stand up to what is about to come. As for the other part, well, I look forward to seeing where that goes.

I’m just blessed to be involved with a kick ass group of people in every aspect of myself. All of you are very special.

Keep on keeping on, everyone. Eventually you’ll turn the right cards up!

“Better Days are Shining Thru”

 SAM

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