Posted by: SM | December 16, 2007

¡Rueda, Rueda, Fortuna!

April 19th 2007

It has to be said; I think there is something going around not just at work but everywhere. People are feeling down. Down in their jobs, or in other stuff. I am struggling to stay off that particular train myself. What my mum said to me a while ago about going back to Bury has been all over my head a million times over and I don’t see it happening any time soon. That should be the end of the story except for all the feelings of guilt I now have about not seeing my brother as often as he / they / I would like and more guilt besides. It’s a guilt sandwich with a lovely helping of self questioning on the side. The thing with what was said is that I know it’s all said for the best, none of it was meant to upset me or whatever, but stuff like that always does because I analyze every bloody thing about what it means, where I am, are they right, all that. Sod it and pass the Jack Daniels I say!

So with comic timing that looks as if I planned the cruelest response to the ‘come home’ debate, it turns out that a flat next to mine (almost identical) is being sold. I’ve looked into it and it’s not going to be a situation go, Dad looked over it and suggested that timing and finances were not right and also let’s not forget that mortgages are quite heavy anchors. Time is now for having a good time, and the mortgage research wasn’t meant to be any kind of symbolic gesture to the folks back home. It was a chance that presented itself and it won’t go any further. I’m happy in that.

Along the same lines and completely coinky-dinkly a taxi driver last night told me of this place along Vauxhall Road in Liverpool, a community with completely accessible housing, restaurants on site, low kitchen tops, accessible shower, the lot. After not having much luck with any of that anywhere else in this city I took his comments in and intend to give the place a call as soon as possible to see what the situation is. I am scared it will be a warden, pensioner, red cord in bathroom thing but not on the strength of what I was told; of course I won’t know until I ask,

So one minute I’m feeling unsettled, the next minute I’m feeling unsettled but these chances have come along and should be grabbed. I don’t exactly know why I am a little unsettled, I’ve not lost my flat, my job, and everything is as it was. I just felt a little torn I guess. But we all feel like that sometimes.

Life is a wheel, a wheel of fortune I think. We just have to spin it and see where it goes!



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