Posted by: SM | December 15, 2007

Big Man On Mulberry Street

November 8th 2006

Good morning friends and thanks for once again logging on.

Yesterday I spent time with an old friend of mine, an ex girlfriend who was responsible for the darkest time I have ever spent inside my own head and whilst at times I could have and did hate her for leaving me in the way she did I also have to thank her. It baffles most of the people I call friends and even I dare say some of the family members too but we still can exist in the same room together, very much so infact. In the dark days of this January when I was enduring the worst birthday ever, off my head on Jack Daniels asleep on the sofa and crying uncontrollably about where my life was I knew that was the lowest point.

Well yesterday I was on the top of the mountain. I realised that I couldn’t haev her back and the life she is going through now is the one she chose away from me and I really do wish her all the best. I don’t often think of how it could have been although sometimes I do I must admit and it was all going in a good direction, although obviously not as things worked out differently. She has her own life, but by hook or by crook I’ve rebuilt mine from the crap that it spiralled into. I’m happy in my own skin, not just happy in a two, happy to be by myself.

Take that with a pinch of salt because of course going to work and coming home in the dark and being by myself sucks some of the time but I wouldn’t change things for the world and if the powers that be came to me in a vision of a man on a flaming pie and offered to make things as they were – her and me together about to enter 2005 and who knows what other major choices – I would, without a seconds hesitation tell the powers to stick that up their halo’s and move on to someone else. I’m happy, I never thought I would be, I never thought I would stop crying even. It’s hard work and it will remain hard work but I rebuilt it and I’m doing okay thank you very much.

So in some small way, I’m a big man on Mulberry Street (if you don’t know where that is it’s near the University but also immortalised in song).

I’ll stop before I come over too much like a sloshy love song or Gloria Gaynor! If my ex is reading this please don’t treat this as the middle finger directed at you, it’s not meant to be that all.

Peace love and piano, man!

Si

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